The Ed-der Scrolls: Skyrim
by Z-King
Summary: Allow me to tell you a tale of warriors, war, dragons…and Eds. So come and read the Ed-ventures in the world of Skyrim.
1. QUEST 1: UNBOUND

The Edder Scrolls: Skyrim

By Lord Primeval

This is just something messed up I thought up and wanted to share. Keep in mind: due to the nature of the game having multiple outcomes and to accommodate the characters involved into this universe, there may be slight changes to the main story. But I promise to keep as true to both franchises as humanly possible. Nothing here is our !

QUEST 1: UNBOUND

The wagon trotted along the rocky soil, shaking the prisoners held within. The guards kept quite a close eye on them as they made their way to the Village of Helgen. The prisoners were mostly of Nord lineage, but there was a group of three sleeping youngsters that was a bit more colorful.

There was a Breton wearing a black wizards hood with a gap in his teeth. His name was Edward. The second, the tallest, was an Altmer. He had large eyes for his kindred and a near shaved head. His name was Ed. And finally, the shortest, was Eddy. Eddy was an Imperial, with only three long hairs on top of his head. His skin was pinkish, possibly hinting a small bit of Redguard lineage.

The three Ed boys started to wake as the wagon stumbled onto some rocks. The first to wake was Edward, whom his friends referred to as Double D. He wasn't exactly happy. He shook Eddy with his tied hands to ensure he would wake up to see their situation.

"What," said Eddy, "is it time for breakfast yet?"

"It may be," said Double D, "but if this predicament is as dire as I fear, it may end up being our last meal!"

"You mean," Eddy said, the scenery setting in, "We've been done in? Up the river?"

"Without a paddle I'm afraid." Groaned Double D.

This was a bit much for Eddy. All of those scams this group had committed in various provinces, he never once thought he would get caught.

"This is all YOUR FAULT!" he yelled at Double D. "My fault?!" Double D replied. "Yeah," he continued, "if your stupid little trinkets worked in the first place, we'd be swimming in the gold on our way to Hammerfell by now!"

"Eddy!" the young Breton started up, "I told you at least forty times they weren't waterproof yet! If you just let me have the time to learn that spell, we never would have upset those Orcs and landed us in Imperialist incarceration!"

"Quiet back there!" a guard up front shouted, "or we'll have to gag you like we did Ulfric!" At that point, a Nord prisoner spoke up. "That's Ulfric Storm cloak, the true High King! Even you should show respect, imperialist bastard!"

Both boys looked to the dark-hair man with the sash over his mouth. It was indeed the head of the Storm cloaks, a group of rebels whose deeds were so horrendous that their exploits were known from here to Tamriel.

"Oh dear," Double D said, "It looks like we've been misidentified as cohorts in a terrorist operation! Oh we're off to Sovngaurd for sure Eddy!"

"Be QUIET I said!" the Guard yelled, "I'm starting to like your Altmer friend a lot more right now!"

That had reminded the two that Ed hadn't woken up yet. That elf could sleep through a Troll attack! The two boys bumped their shoulders on Ed, which appeared to wake him up.

"Butter Toast!" the elf happily cried out. He took a quick look around, not truly realizing what was happening. "Oh boy!" he yelled, "carriage ride!"

"No Lumpy," said Eddy sarcastically, grabbing hold of the elf's face, "We're off to get a haircut and our toes painted. We've been arrested mono-brow!"

Ed stared into space for a good six seconds before commenting, "Violet please! It brings out my eyes." Double D couldn't help but giggle at Ed's lovable cluelessness.

They had passed the main gate to Helgen, the passengers becoming even more nervous. One even prayed to the divines. Every citizen in the village went back inside their homes, completely aware of what the carriages meant. The carts stopped near the center of the village, were the guards greeted two soldiers: an armor-clad Nordic man, and a well-armored Redguard woman.

Surrounding them was a handful of archers and soldiers. "Line them up!" shouted the Redgaurd. "NO!" the Nord who prayed earlier began to yell, "You have to listen to me, we're not rebels! Tell them it's a mistake!" "Well," said the Bearded Nord, "Best not keep the Gods waiting." This didn't help Eddy or Double D one bit as they lined up. They shook nervously as Ed stood there, repeating the same words over and over: "Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs…"

They started by asking each prisoner for their name, then moving them aside. "Let's make a break for it." Eddy whispered. "Eddy! You can't be serious." Double D sneered. "Do you want to see the lord of the dead?" Eddy replied, "Now here's what I'm thinking: you use your magic-know-how to distract the guards, while Ed throws us over the-"

"YOU MADE A MISTAKE!" the nervous Nord from earlier replied, "WE'RE NOT REBELS!" He began to run like the world was about to end. "HALT!" shouted the Redguard. "ARCHERS!" Upon her command, every archer nearby shot arrows rapid fire at the escaping prisoner, killing him in a solid second.

The boys stood staring in horror. "Anyone else feel like running?" she said looking at the rest of the prisoners. If you knew her better, you would assume she was smiling at this. "Wait," the male soldier said, "you three! Come forward." The Ed Boys walked up to the soldier, terrified at what was going to happen next.

The Nord looked at them, puzzled. "Who are you?" he asked. The three boys looked at each other, not sure what to do.

Eddy spoke up. "I'm the main event, Eddy! And this is the Mage with the brains-Double D! And finally, the Altmer with the brain of a walnut, Big Ed!" Ed remembered this bit from back in Cyrodil. He flipped up Double D and balanced him on his head. Meanwhile, Eddy leapt onto Ed's bundle that was his tied hands, balancing on his own nose. "And together," Eddy continued, "We are- The Amazing FLYING EDWARDO BROTHERS!" "HUP! HUP!" they said in unison.

The soldiers didn't know what to make of what they just saw. "Rrrriiiiiight." Said the male soldier, looking at his list to avoid awkward conversation. He looked to the Redguard woman next to him and acted as though nothing happened.

"Captain," he said, "What should we do? They're not on the list." "Forget the list," she answered in her stern voice, "They go to the block." The jaws of all three Eds fell.

"By your orders captain." Said the male soldier obediently. He looked to the boys with a more concerned look and said, "I'm sorry boys, at least you'll die together alongside brothers."

"What a comforting thought." Said Double D nervously as they were moved toward the execution block by soldiers. They were lined up as a priest was reciting the prayer of last rite, only to be silenced by one of the soldiers.

The boys were too frightened to pay attention, but the general was speaking to Ulfric. "Now the empire is going to cut you down," he said, "and restore the peace!"

Just then, a roar could be heard from the distance. "Nope. Lost me there fella." Said Ed. "What are you on about lumpy?" asked Eddy.

As they spoke, a prisoner was beheaded before their eyes. This caused Double D to pass out. "Next!" shouted the Captain, "The High Elf!" This, of course, meant Ed was next for the execution.

After his call up, the roar could be heard again. "Naughty, naughty!" said Ed, smiling his usual grin, "I've never heard such language." "Who are you talking to?!" said Eddy, staring to become confused.

"I said NEXT PRISONER!" the captain shouted again.

"To the block now prisoner," said the male soldier from earlier, "nice and easy." Ed walked up to the chopping block.

The soldiers laid his head down.

"I knew him well." Said Eddy grimly.

"Don't take my head!" Ed shouted as the executioner raised his axe, "Don't take my head!"

"Look!" a soldier shouted. "What is it soldier?" asked the captain, "What do you see?"

Then everyone saw it, the beast that had caused the commotion. It landed on the tower like a bolt of lightning. A dragon. The hulking beast let out a sonic blast from its maw, decimating walls nearby. The soldiers gathered to attempt killing the beast, but they were all blasted away by the powerful shouts of the reptilian monster.

"Come on Ed!" Eddy yelled, grabbing hold of Ed's rags, "Now's our chance!" Once Ed was propped up, Eddy began to flee to one of the undamaged buildings.

Ed looked around franticly to find Double D. He found him three seconds later, slowly regaining consciousness. "What in the Gods names?" he said as he came to.

"Think Kitten Double D!" shouted Ed. He took hold of the back of Double D's collar with his teeth. Ed then started to bolt in Eddy's direction.

"Wait!" said Double D, holding his hood, "What's happening here Ed?"

"Meow!" said Ed as he ran.

They managed to meet inside the tower Eddy discovered, escaping the Chaos outside.

"WE'RE ALIVE!" Ed happily cried out.

He then started rubbing his head on Double D's face. "Purr like a kitten, purr like a kitten, purr like a kitten…"

"I'm happy too Ed," said Double D, "But could someone please fill the gaps in for me? Why is this village in such a state of peril?"

"Who cares?" said Eddy, "Thanks to that Dragon, we're able to get our tails outta here."

"A dragon?" said Double D, Ed still expressing his happiness, "Please. Dragons are extinct in this environment. They haven't lived in Skyrim since ancient times."

"Yeah, yeah," said Eddy disinterested, "Thanks for the lesson Mr. History scroll. Now make yourself useful and magic these binds off!"

"Sorry Eddy," Double D replied, "but my hands are tied-literally. I can't cast spells with my hands tied up like this."

"Well why not?" Eddy asked. Just as Double D was about to answer, the Dragon used its head like a battering ram to shatter the wall behind them.

"RUN AWAY!" the three shouted as they bolted out of the tower, avoiding the torrent of fire from the Dragon's mouth. The boys high-tailed it to the side of a crumbling building, which the beast followed. As it was about to blast another shout, the Imperial soldiers began to fire their arrows, allowing the boys to escape.

"Boys!" A familiar voice shouted, "Over here!" They turned around to see the Nord soldier from earlier, the one who was apologetic about their execution. He called from the doorway of Helgen Keep. Double D and Ed started for the entrance, but were interrupted by Eddy.

"What?! Why should we trust him? He almost had us killed, remember?" Eddy shouted.

"It's either him or the Dragon Eddy," said Double D, "Your choice."

"I choose Bulbasaur Double D!" Ed shouted as he scooped up Eddy with his still-tied wrists. The three of them made it to the inside of the Keep, slamming the door behind them.

"There's no escape!" Double D said, "That behemoth will surely sniff us out for sure and tear this establishment to shreds! It's like blocking a fireball with a papyrus scroll!"

"Not necessarily." The soldier replied, "There's an emergency exit to the outskirts of the town inside here. But we'll have to move quickly. Come here, I'll see if I can get those binds off." The soldier used his blade to strip them of their ropes. Double D flicked his wrists and activated his fire spell, getting the feeling back in his wrists.

Suddenly, a noise could be heard.

"Storm cloaks!" The soldier said, "They must be here for Ulfirc, their leader. Stand by the gate, we'll have to fight them off."

"Fight?" said a very reluctant Double D.

"The other entrance is locked, so yes. Looks like Sovrnguard will get some new residents tonight." He said.

"Can this day get any worse?" Eddy whined.

"Yes it can!" shouted Ed. Apparently, the Storm cloaks on the other side of the gate heard that and charged in.

Eddy clamped his hands tightly onto Ed's head. "You and your big mouth!" shouted Eddy.

The soldier launched the first attack, swinging his blade. He was outnumbered as the Eds stood there, too terrified to help out. Ed, on the other hand, could never let an ally down.

"ATTACK EDDY! ATTACK!" he shouted, lifting Eddy up. He tossed Eddy with all his might, knocking the Storm Cloaks unconscious.

"Thanks friend." The soldier said, placing his sword back into its sheath.

"Yeah," said Eddy, "thanks a lot!"

"You bet your horse Debbie!" said Ed.

"Please," the soldier said, "Call me Hadvar."

The small troop left before their Storm cloak enemies came to. As they walked down some stairs, they found the supply room.

"You boys should find supplies down here," Hadvar said, "Take as much as you can, we may need any it."

As the boys scavenged, they found a bounty of supplies from chests, shelves, and weapons racks.

Ed found a small helmet, studded armor, an iron sword, and leather boots.

Eddy found Leather armor, wrist guards, 6 gold, and two iron daggers.

Double D appalled weaponry, so he decided to grab a few potions and books lying around instead.

"There's something I still don't get," Double D asked himself, "How can there be Dragons in Skyrim?"

"Obviously you're not from around here," said Hadvar, "but in Skyrim, our children are told of the coming of the dragons. They are the great sign, the harvengers of the End Times."

As they spoke, Double D looked over the supplies they gathered. One of the books they found caught his attention.

"The Dragonborn?" he asked, reading the cover.

"It is a legend," said Hadvar, "That in our hour of need, the last Dragonborn will arise."

"Well, legends are all well and good," said Eddy, "But are we forgetting the fact that there's a GIGANTIC MONSTER ON THE LOOSE?!" His shout caused everyone's ears to ring.

Ed stood there and answered: "I don't even remember what we are doing Eddy!"

Hadvar sighed, "He does have a point. We should get moving before the whole place gets torn apart. Follow me."

As they left the store room, the doorway collapsed due to a great tremor (no doubt from the great dragon outside), meaning there was no backtracking that could be done.

They kept moving. As they went along, the tunnels turned more like caves, untampered or spoiled by human hands.

They went along another corridor, revealing their path to have yet another hazard: More Storm Cloaks.

"If only we had a bow," Said Hadvar, "we could eliminate them before they see us."

Double D then got an idea; he activated his Fire Spell again, gazing ever so intensely at the ceiling.

He then fired the spell at the roots that hung from above their enemies' heads. As the roots burned away, a torrent of loose rocks were now free to drop onto their opponents, killing them all.

"Magic level up Double D!" said Ed.

"Wow," said a very shocked Eddy, "never thought you had it in you."

"Simple Eddy," Double D explained, "due to the integrity of the rock structure in a cavernous environment, the Ignatius rock was bound to-"

"Don't ruin it Breton!" Eddy said.

Double D dropped his head in defeat.

"You three have some impressive skills," Hadvar said in admiration, "the Empire could use more men like you."

"Sorry," said Double D, "But we don't really get involved with politics."

They continued onward, making their way to another cavernous area.

This place however, was covered in thousands of spider webs.

"Magnificent!" Double D said excitedly, "These webs silk content is super dexterous! The designs are so intricate, they remind me of the web of a-"

As if on cue, six giant spiders came crawling down from the cave ceiling.

"-Frostbite spiders." Double D continued gloomily.

Hadvar went hack-and-slash at one of the larger ones, able to slice three of its legs off.

Ed grabbed hold of one of them by the leg and used it as a weapon to bash two of them heading in his direction.

Double D burned two of them to a crisp with his Fire spell, and then apologized to his hapless victims.

Eddy tried to run as quickly as he could from a smaller one, only to have another rush in from the other side.

He ducked, causing the two to ram into each other.

Ed was continuingly bashing spiders with one of their own kind. He managed to save Hadvar from his opponent.

"I AM ED; EATER OF POTATOES!" Ed shouted like a barbarian as he went.

"Uh, Ed?" said Double D.

"ARROOOOUUUGAAA!" Ed shouted, still blindly bashing away.

"ED!" Eddy shouted.

Ed then paused, noticing the spiders around him mashed to a fine pulp, including the one he was using to beat them with. Hadvar glared at him, covered in spider guts.

"Ooh," the High Elf said, "Spider gravy!"

"It's a shame too." Said Double D. "They were fine specimens."

"Hey!" Eddy shouted, rather close to Double D's ear. "There's a way out!"

"Good eyes my friend," Hadvar said, rubbing his ears, "Only one more chamber till the exit."

The entrance was covered in webs, like the rest of the chamber.

A swing of Ed's sword solved the problem as they journeyed onward through the caverns.

This chamber seemed to be brighter than the others.

This was a sign that they were just a few steps away from freedom.

They saw the entrance, filling them with joy. "Freedom at last!" Double D sighed.

"WE"RE HOME FREE BOYS!" Eddy happily cried out.

The four could hear a loud growl echo through the cave.

On the bank of the small river inside the cave, a large mass of fur shifted. It reared itself up, revealing it to be a very large bear.

"I guess finesse isn't one of your strong suits, is it Imperial?" said Hadvar angrily.

The bear charged, heading towards them with great speed.

This would have been no problem earlier, but the last fight drained them of Mana and stamina.

Double D couldn't use magic and the others were too tired to lift a weapon.

Ed, not willing to let his friends die, picked up the entire crew and headed for the exit.

"RUN ED!" Eddy shouted.

"It's no use!" Hadvar said, "She's still going to catch up!"

Hadvar had a good point, the beast was getting closer, allowing the gang to get a good look at her massive jaws.

Eddy then thought up a plan; he grabbed the two daggers he picked up earlier and tossed them. They landed in the right place, causing the massive beast to trip over them. This bought them a few more seconds.

Ed took them to the exit, just as the Bear got back on her feet. She charged once more. Ed jammed his sword into the top of the cave exit just as the others passed through.

He pushed hard on the blade, causing the entrance to collapse, sealing the bear inside.

"Good show Ed!" Double D said. Just then, another roar could be heard, a Dragon's roar.

"GET DOWN!" Hadvar yelled. The four escapees hid behind a tree and a few large rocks.

In the air above them, they saw the same Dragon from Helgen fly off into the distance, disappearing in the scenery.

"Well glad that's over." gasped Eddy, "Oh well, back to business! New place, new-"

"Um, Eddy." Double D said, rather gloomily.

The three Ed boys remembered the fact that an Imperialist soldier was standing there the whole time. And with the fact that they were escaped criminals, it was a little obvious of what their fate was.

"You boys work well together." Hadvar said. "I suppose you'll do even better once we part ways."

"You're not going to have us beheaded again?" Double D asked.

"If it were up to me," Hadvar smiled, "I'd say you've all earned your freedom."

"Ed is happy once more!" Ed shouted, hugging Hadvar as hard as he could. The soldier forced himself free, rubbing his sore arms.

"Now, I'd suggest we part ways. Good bye Flying Edwardo Brothers, and good luck." He said as he walked off.

The three Eds waved as he left. "Now then," Eddy said with a smile on his face, "Time to fleece these lambs."

"Eddy!" said Double D, "We just went through a Dragon attack, Storm Cloaks, Giant Spiders, and a hulking Bear! And the first thing on your mind is more misshaped hijinks?"

"Eddy is the man with the plan Double D!" said Ed.

"Well I protest!" said Double D. "I've had enough for one day thank you!"

"Ok fine," said Eddy, "We'll scam 'em tomorrow. First town we find is as good as ours."

"High ho over yonder!" shouted Ed. The boys walked off, heading in the direction pointed to them by a convenient signpost. They were off to Riverwood.

Sorry for the first chapter being so long, the first quest does take a while. Will there be danger ahead? Will the Eds get out Scott free? Will there be any more classic characters? Find out next time!


	2. QUEST 2: part 1 Claws for Applause

QUEST 2 PART 1: CLAWS FOR APPLAUSE

By Lord Primeval

_A/N: Welcome back! This is the second Ed-venture in this messed-up series. Once again, Ed, Edd, n' Eddy belongs to Cartoon Network and Elder Scrolls belongs to Bethesta._

The forest grew dark as the Eds walked on. They had been walking for at least four hours and began to think that they had become lost.

"How can a simple signpost lead us so astray?" Double D whined, "We should have at least found some form of habitation by now."

Eddy and Double D began to slow their pace. They couldn't walk any more.

"All aboard!" Ed shouted, scooping up his friends to carry them.

"Why thank you Ed!" Double D said, his eyes drooping.

"I got it!" Eddy said, "If we can get enough explosives, we can use Double D's Fire spell to put on an amazing fireworks show! Now, I'm thinking a 5 Gold admission fee…"

"Can I lick the bowl Eddy?" said Ed excitedly.

"Really Eddy?" Double D yawned, "We just saw the first Dragon in centuries to come to Skyrim today and all you can think about is more half-baked scams?"

"This cauldron never stops cookin', hood head" said Eddy, pointing to his own forehead, "Ideas just flow in here."

"Well let me know when a _good_ idea pops up." Double D sighed. It had been a bit of an overwhelming day. Even though Eddy's mind was somewhere else, Double D's was on nothing more than getting some sleep. You don't even want to know what Ed's thoughts were.

As Ed carried his two friends, they came into a small clearing. On the small Cliffside, three large stones shone in the moonlight. Each of them had an image carved on the. One stone bore the image of Nord Warrior, one the image of a thief, and the third an image of a mage.

"Oh no!" Ed said, dropping his friends as he held his face in terror, "Dark probes sent here by the Moon-dwelling cabbage people!"

"Don't be stupid, lumpy!" Eddy yelled, slapping Ed in the face, "They're just some dumb rocks!"

Double D stumbled back on his feet, gazing at the new discovery.

"Those aren't just rocks Eddy," Double D explained, "Those are Standing Stones! They're associated with the Constellations that give power, skill, and knowledge."

"Like walnuts?" asked Ed.

"Not quite Ed," said Double D, being patient with him, "But they are very rich in fiber."

"Yawn." Said Eddy.

"But Eddy!" Said Double D, "These stones are said to grant the ability to learn special skills at a rate 20% faster than by ordinary methods. And it says that only a select few individuals can-"

"Must touch rocks!" Ed yelled, running over to the stones.

"ED NO!" Double D shouted, grabbing hold of Ed's armor as he ran, "Those stones are Akatosh only knows how old! You have to be gentle with-"

Ed's hand touched the stone with the warrior's carving on it. The image glowed with his touch.

"I feel tingly Double D." Ed said confused.

"What's going on here?" asked Eddy, confused at what was happening.

"I guess Ed is worthy of the Warrior's Stone," Double D answered, "If I remember correctly, this stone helps Ed in Heavy armor, Blocking, and weapon wielding!"

"So the muscle's just got more muscle?" Said Eddy. "I think I like these stones Double D."

Eddy touched the Thief Stone, granting him easier access to Lockpicking, Archery, Light Armor, and Pickpocketing. Double D then touched the Mage stone, giving him help in practically all fields of magic.

"I think I'm starting to like this mystical stuff." Said Eddy, enjoying the feeling of power he received. "No wonder you take up magic Double D."

He turned around to see Double D asleep, resting his head on the Mage Stone as if it were a pillow.

"Sleepy time Eddy." Yawned Ed, resting himself on the Warrior's stone.

Eddy agreed completely, laying himself down to rest. Tomorrow was going to be big- he could feel it.

The next morning, Double D was the first to awake as usual. He had been spending the majority of his time reading the books he discovered back in Helgan. One in particular seemed to be his favorite; a book on the subject of a spell called 'Sparks.'

He cast the spell on Eddy, firing streams of electricity at the sleeping Imperial to wake him up.

"What the-?" Eddy screamed while in midair jump, "Who's idea was that?"

"By Jove," Double D said excitedly, "I've got it!"

"Wait till I get my hands on you!" Eddy yelled, charging at him.

Double D ran in circles around Ed, Eddy chasing behind. Ed seemed to finally wake up. He saw Eddy chasing after Double D into the woods. Ed just assumed they were playing some kind of game. All Ed knew was he wanted to play too.

"Have a heart man!" Double D yelled. Eddy tripped over a rock, tumbling over himself and Double D. Gravity sent both of them tumbling down the hill, landing on hard ground. They had their eyes closed, completely unaware of their surroundings. They heard the subtle sound of chickens fluttering around and bawking.

They opened their eyes. They had inadvertently entered the town of Riverwood.

"Civilization at last." Double D sighed.

"CHICKENS!" Shouted Ed, just having caught up with them. He chased the helpless fowl, laughing heavily as he ran.

"So now we're in town," Eddy said, "We can sell these spare supplies for extra cash. Then we will-"

"What 'extra supplies' Eddy?" Double D scolded, not trusting Eddy.

"Oh Ed," Eddy said. Ed came running next to him, carrying an armful of his favorite farm animal.

Eddy reached into Ed's inventory and threw a few swords, axes, helmets, three spider's eggs, and a few bits of light armor.

"Where in Mara's name did you get all this?" Double D asked in a shocked tone.

"I scored these in the caves yesterday," Eddy said, picking them up and storing them in his own inventory, "from chests, off some of our attackers, got them when you weren't looking."

"Have you no sense of morality!?" Double D yelled, just shocked at all this.

"HEY! GET AWAY FROM MY CHICKENS!" a voice yelled out.

The owner of the flock rushed out of his house, carrying a large axe in his hands. He had a dark look in his eye, as if his wife was just murdered in front of him.

"RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" shouted Ed, dropping the Chickens in favor of saving his own yellow hide.

Eddy scooped up the last of the loot franticly, just missing the swing of an axe by the frantic farmer. The three ran off, heading to the safety of the inner town of Riverwood. The owner had made his point clear and went back inside his home.

The boys caught their breath, looking to be sure the axe-wielder had left them be. The Eds saw the fine wood-built housing, Double D admired the architecture. The sounds of the famous wood mill could be heard in the distance. They then noticed what looked to be a trade post of some kind. Reading the sign, it was the Riverwood Trader. Needing the spare gold, it was universally decided to go in and form a trade.

The three opened the door, utterly surprised by what was going on inside. The shopkeeper stood behind his desk, making an argument with a woman a few feet away.

"Camilla, I told you no!" he said, "No Adventures! I won't have you risking your neck out there!"

Camilla crossed her arms, giving a sarcastic smile as she spoke.

"Well, what are you going to do about this then?"

"Jerry! Jerry!" Ed shouted, an idiot's smile on his face.

The two took notice. As if the argument wasn't happening, the shopkeeper turned his attention to the Eds.

"Oh, customers." He said, "Sorry you had to hear all that. But don't you boys worry, I'll get you sorted out. How may I help you?"

"We're looking to trade," said Eddy, "Ed?"

Ed walked over to the trading desk.

"Show him the merchandise, mono-brow." He said. He emptied his inventory onto the desk, a plethora of weapons and armor flooded the station. The shopkeeper then took out a scroll and a scale, his tools of determining worth.

"So what exactly happened here?" Double D asked.

"Well," the shopkeeper began, weighing a few swords, "I don't know exactly what you overheard, but we had a bit of a break-in last night."

"Oh dear," Double D said, "This must be devastating for business."

"I blame the public schools Double D." said Ed.

"Don't be ridiculous!" he said, "They were only took one thing. The bad news is they got away with it."

"That's peculiar," Double D said in confusion, "Why would thieves come in and not take all they could?"

Eddy's mind was completely on gaining Coin from this trade. He eagerly watched the price go up on the scroll as he continued.

"Well, it was no ordinary bauble the stole!" the shopkeeper said, "It was a special ornament; solid gold in the shape of a Dragon's claw."

Those words caught Eddy's attention. He heard the sounds of coins clinking in his head, he had an idea.

"Well my friend," Eddy said, sliding in front of the other Eds. "Are you in luck, as we happen to be the best treasure-hunters in all of Cyrodil!"

Double D was about object.

"But we've never been to-"

"And," Eddy continued, placing a hand on Double D's mouth. "We can easily retrieve your precious trinket and return it to your very hands! For a small fee of course…"

"You can?" the shopkeeper happily spoke, "That's wonderful! I've got some coin coming in from my last shipment. If you can get that claw back, it's all yours."

"You got it stretch!" Eddy said, shaking his hand in agreement.

"Quest accepted!" said Ed.

"Now about our trade here," Eddy said with a grin, "I'm thinking it'll be…seven thous-"

"Six hundred and sixty three gold." The Shopkeeper said to Eddy's disappointment. "Can I offer you these?"

He placed a red Wizard's Robe, a quiver with arrows, and a bow on the table. Eddy seemed to be insulted by this. He raised his hands and opened his mouth, but he was interrupted before he could let it out.

"Deal!" Double D said, taking the items.

"Now," the shopkeeper said, "If you want to catch them, I'd start near Bleak Falls Barrow. I've heard rumors that some shady men have been hiding up there."

"Don't worry my friend," Eddy said with a sly voice, "We'll return your claw before you know it. Bye!"

The three then exited the shop and closed the door.

"Why did you take that junk?" Eddy yelled at Double D. "We could have had cold hard coin!"

"We'll get our reward money soon enough, oh impatient one!" said Double D, handing Eddy the newly acquired bow and arrows. "Besides, we need all the equipment we can get."

"Fine," said the rather upset Eddy. "So, where's this Great sparrow anyway?"

"That's Bleak Falls Barrow, Eddy." Double D stated, "And I'm not in the least bit familiar with that location."

"I can help." A voice behind them said. It was Camilla, the one the shopkeeper was arguing with earlier. She pointed to the snowy mountain not too far from the town.

"Just up there," she said, "Is where the Barrow lies."

The three boys gulped.

"Take the bridge on that end of town and go northeast. You'll get to the Barrow soon enough. Thank you for helping us, and good luck." She said as she walked back into the Trader.

"Well, you heard her boys!" Eddy yelled excitedly. "Let's nab us a claw!"

"Follow the leader!" Ed said. The three Eds made their way to the bridge, entering an unknown journey for nothing but the reward of gold.

_A/N: In retrospect, this is more a start to a quest, but next time- Dungeon crawling! Undead warriors! And lots of adventure. Tune in next time!_


	3. QUEST 2: part 2 Down in the Barrows

QUEST 2: part 2 Down in the Barrows

By Lord Primeval

_A/N: Welcome back everyone! Now we get into some action with part two of this quest. Nothing here is mine (except Volgaar). Enjoy!_

The cold and snow increased harshly on the mountain as the three adventurers walked their way up.

"Man is it freezing," Eddy complained, "Could've sworn it was warm a second ago."

"Of course it was Eddy," Double D replied, happy to be in his warm Wizard's robe, "we were lower to the ground then. The higher the altitude, the lower the temperature due to-"

"I AM VOLGAAR!" Ed shouted, running in front of them with two icicles in his mouth to look like fangs. "THE MUTANT SABRE-TOOTHED MUDCRAB! I DEMAND ONIONS FOR MY SOUP!"

As Double D fell backwards due to Ed's jump scare, Eddy smacked Ed so hard that his icicle fangs launched like rockets.

"You idiot!" Eddy yelled, "The guy said there were thieves out here. Do you want them to come crawling after us?"

Double D pulled himself back up, completely covered in snow.

"As much as I hate to say it, Eddy's right." He said, trying hard to remove the snow from himself. "We better switch to stealth mode if we want to avoid any unwanted attention."

"You got it Double D," Ed said with a smile, "Stealthy as a turtle."

Double d and Eddy stared at each other, confused at Ed's choice of animal to model himself after.

"Well," said Double D, "at least no one would see _that_ coming."

"Be a frog for all I care," said Eddy, "as long as we get the loot we'll be set."

The trio made its way to the entrance of the Barrow. Its ancient Nord architecture was enough to make Double D smile in delight. It was really enough to make anyone shed a tear. Eddy, however, was not that kind of person.

"Uh, hello?" Eddy said, trying to snap the other two out of it, "On a mission here."

Just as Eddy finished his complaint, an arrow landed just an inch off his foot. The three looked up to see three archers and a handful of warriors at the gate.

"Nothing to see here boys," one of them said, "I'd suggest you go back where you came from."

Ed and Double D shook as they stepped back. Eddy pushed the two in front of him and yelled out:

"Ha! _They_ aren't afraid of you. They can take you out easily, so come and get them!"

The warriors charged in their direction while the archers began to fire.

"You and your big mouth!" Double D complained, readying his Sparks spell.

Ed charged at the Archers with his iron sword in hand while Double D shot streams of electricity at the oncoming warriors. Ed blocked the incoming arrows with his sword as he ran up to them. With a single swing of his blade, he sliced the bows in half before they could fire another round.

"Away with you!" Ed shouted as he grabbed hold of two of the archers. He tossed them so far into the distance you could have sworn they fell off the mountain all together.

Double D had electrocuted the warriors that charged in. He noticed the remaining archer behind Ed, who was pulling out a dagger. Double D reacted quickly, using the last bit of Mana to strike one last blast of electricity. It hit the dagger as the thief was about to strike, acting as a conductor to electrocute the assassin. As the assailant fell, Ed noticed what happened and shouted for joy.

"Drat!" Eddy said as he placed the last of the loot from the last thief into his inventory, "None of these chumps have the claw! Alright, let's get moving."

"Now hold on a second mister!" Double D scolded as he followed him inside, "Let's not forget that someone just tried to use us as cannon fodder a second ago!"

The inside of the entrance way was dark and had a large amount of water on the floor. It looked less like a well-crafted tomb and now resembled more of an ordinary cave.

"Don't you ignore me," Double D continued, "I believe we should rethink our-"

Double D's silence came in the form of Ed's hand over his mouth. Ed pointed forward to reveal the second entrance. There were more thieves guarding this entrance, looking better armed than the last batch. The three hid behind a column as the guards continued in conversation around the fire, completely unaware of their presence.

"How much longer must we wait here?" one of them asked.

"As long as it takes," an older Thief replied, "once Arvel gets back, we'll all be rich men."

"It's been a whole night!" another complained.

"So much for 'Arvel the Swift.'" Sneered the last.

The rest of the thief pack howled in laughter. The first one just sat there with an upset look on his face.

"Wouldn't be surprised if he just ran off with that claw." He said, "And left us here to rot."

That last part was all Eddy needed to hear. Now he knew who to look for. The Ed boys looked at each other, trying to figure out a plan.

"Well," Eddy said nervously, "you two better get out there."

Ed grabbed hold of Eddy's collar, placing him three feet away from himself and Double D.

"What in Sovrngarde am _I _supposed to do?!" Eddy panicked.

Double D handed Eddy his new Bow and Quiver. Eddy looked at them for about five seconds and looked back to the group.

"Like a turtle Eddy." Ed said softly.

Eddy then hid behind a rock and took aim. He fired an arrow right into the shoulder of one of the guards. Before the others noticed, he shot another and hit one of them in the spine. The others took notice and began to arm up.

"Alright!" a guard was yelling, "Show youres-AAAAAAGH!"

The arrow went into his throat, leaving him to gasp for air. The last one prepared his own bow, ready to strike back. As he searched, he located Eddy. Eddy didn't realize he was spotted until the thief took aim. What the thief didn't pay attention to however was who was behind him.

"Pardon me miss." Ed said. The Altmer then knocked the arrow armed assassin in the head with the butt of his sword, knocking him unconscious.

"Nice teamwork there Ed!" Double D praised. He walked up to the doorway and propped the door open.

"That's weird," Eddy said, "I've never used a bow before. How did I get so good?"

"That's the power of the standing stone, Eddy." Said Double D, finally getting the door open. "It gives you bonus experience in Archery."

"Well then," said Eddy, "Good thing I decided to get this at the trader."

Double D frowned hard as Eddy walked away. But then he let out a sigh, realizing that was Eddy's typical nature.

They walked they're way through a corridor that was covered in thin vine-like roots. Eddy and Ed kept an eye out for more bandits while Double D just looked at the walls, marveling over the plants that had taken over the dungeon.

"Viavalus Mantolla," he said, "And that one over there is Kalgoria Mixonalua. Oooh, a fine example Joral-"

"Quiet, hood head." Eddy said, pointing to a doorway.

The three kept an eye on the situation. The room had three pillars close to the floor, each one bearing a symbol: an Eagle, a Snake, and a Whale. A bandit with garb similar to the ones from earlier was turning these pillars.

"There!" he said to himself, "That should open it!"

He walked over to a large gate adjacent to the pillars and pulled a lever. Suddenly, he was bombarded with arrows that flew from the walls. He fell over as nothing more than a pile of flesh with arrows in it.

"Evil room!" Ed yelled, "Cursed! Evil! Bad for Ed!"

"Oh come now Ed," Double D comforted him; "It's not cursed."

Double D walked inside the room and pointed to the gate.

"This room is just an ancient, complex mechanism." He continued, "The pillars have to be at just the right combination of symbols in order to open the door. Otherwise it'll result in an unfavorable demise. Curious, I wonder what's down here worth protecting with such extreme measures?"

"Well," Eddy said, "You're our brain box, so start thinking. We need to find this Aardvark guy pronto and get our loot!"

"Aardvarks are so warm and cuddly like dads old socks Eddy!" Ed proclaimed.

"You need help Ed." Said Eddy.

"I believe they said the name 'Arvel' Eddy." Double D corrected. He looked around to see if any clues were in the room. After all, the architects would have had a way to remind themselves while building it. Luckily, in different spots of the room, he saw tiny symbols of two snakes and a whale. He walked over to the pillars and made the combo: whale, snake, snake.

"Ed," Double D said, tossing a loose vine to Ed, "Tie this to the lever and pull it from a distance."

"Roger pigtail Double D!" he said.

He tied the vine as tight as he could. He then used it like a rope, pulling the lever from four feet away. This was extremely lucky, as the arrows were activated, scattering all over the floor.

"Oops." Double D said, "I guess I have the combination backwards."

He corrected the combination and signaled to Ed to pull the lever again. This time, instead of an onslaught of arrows, the gate opened up to them.

"Success!" Double D said happily.

"Double D is the man with the plan!" Ed yelled out.

"Hey!" cried Eddy, picking up as many of the free arrows on the ground as possible, "I'm the man with the plan! Right?"

He saw his friends walking off without him. He took the last arrow and ran after them.

They passed by a room with a few barrels and a small table. The only other thing in the room was a staircase which spiraled downwards. It seemed like an easy hint.

"Man," Eddy said nervously, "This place is starting to creep me out."

"It's only stairs Eddy." Double D said.

As they walked down, they heard a scratching sound echo through the stairwell. They weren't even half way down when they saw them coming: Skeevers. The large rats ran towards them in a group of five. Double D used fire, causing their fur to singe as they advanced.

Ed flung the rats around him with his sword, only for them to bounce back to be flung again. One of them got through and pounced on Eddy. It snapped its jaws in front of Eddy's face as he struggled to keep it at bay with his bow as his only shield.

"Uh, guys," Eddy panicked, "a little help for the little guy here!"

"Fore!" Ed shouted, right before smacking the Skeever away his sword.

Double D then used his Fire to create a small wall of flames that separated themselves from the small army of rats. Any Skeever left alive retreated into the darkness and remained quiet. The pathway was safe once more.

"Glad that's over," Double D sighed, "I'm down to my last three magic potions."

"You guys!" Eddy said, "We could totally do a pest control service! Rat removal, Spider-"

"One arsine plot at a time please, Eddy." Double said rather detached.

"Hello?" a voice in the distance called out. "Is…is someone there?"

"Am I the only one hearing that?" Eddy remarked.

"Is that you Harknir? Bjorn? Soling?" the voice continued.

Ed quickly grabbed hold of his friends in a terrified state.

"It is the Ghost of the evil cabbage farmer who haunts these halls!" Ed yelled out.

"Look, I know I've been gone a while, but I need help!" the voice called again.

"That's stupid, mono-brow." Eddy said, wriggling free of Ed's grasp. "I think it's one of those bandits."

They continued down to the bottom of the stairs, entering a room that seemed vaguely familiar. The room was covered in cobwebs and bones of Skeevers long since dead. On the opposite side was a doorway, covered with thick spider's silk. Inside the webbing, a Dunmer wearing full hide armor struggled in his cocoon trap.

"What?" he said, noticing the Eds, "Who are you? Oh never mind. Cut me down for Arkay's sake!"

"Let me guess," Eddy said scornfully, "Aardvark the swift, right?"

"It's _Arvel_ you stupid Imperial!" Arvel answered, "And yes! Yes I am. Now cut me down before that thing gets us!"

"What thing?" Eddy said smugly.

Eddy felt a tap on his shoulder. This made Eddy realize he might be about to eat his words. He turned around to see it coming down from the ceiling: a Frostbite Spider. A gigantic one at that. Its fangs were dripping with venom as it descended further down. All of its eyes looking at the Eds, possible hungry eyes. It screeched out loudly as it entered attack stance.

"I'm starting to hate Treasure hunting now." Double D groaned.

"I hate spiders." Eddy said.

"I don't like cliffhangers guys." Complained Ed

_How will the Eds get out of this one? Will they find the claw? Will the Eds live to crawl another dungeon? Tune in next time: same Ed time, same Ed place!_


	4. QUIEST 2 PART 3: Dungeons and Destiny

QUIEST 2 PART 3: Dungeons and Destiny

_Last part of quest two, I promise!_

The large spider stood in its attack stance, waiting to make its move. The three Eds looked gloomily at their new foe, unable to comprehend the sight before them.

"Hey Ed," Eddy said nervously, "spider gravy? Remember? Now would be a good time."

"No thanks Eddy," Ed said, "I went before we left."

Eddy pulled his bow, shooting the spider clean in the forehead. As it shrieked, Ed charged up with his sword in hand, swinging at its underbelly. Double D fired off a stream of sparks.

"Ah! Kill it! Kill it!" Shouted Arvel.

"Excuse me sir," said Double D as he cast his spell, "but that's not helping us very much."

The spider flung Ed to the wall with one of its eight legs and walked over to Eddy and Double D's position. Eddy shot more arrows, which just seemed to make the arachnid angrier. As the spider reached them, Double D shot a Fire Spell right in its face, causing it to cease for a few seconds.

Before the two could perform another attack, the spider leapt forward. As Eddy loaded another arrow into his bow, the spider swung its front leg and flung his bow away. The spider sprinted towards them and pinned them to a wall. The two could see the dripping mouth of the fanged monstrosity.

Ed managed to pull himself up after the fall.

"Ally-oop!" he said.

He lunged himself forward, grabbing hold of the spider's head. The monstrous arachnid shook itself hard to try and get itself free from the High Elf's grasp. As it struggled, the other Eds noticed a wound where the head met the body.

"Ed!" shouted Eddy as he held a spare dagger, "Use this!"

He tossed the dagger to Ed, who caught it in his right hand. He then saw the wound and prepared to strike. He jammed the Dagger into the wound, causing the spider to yell in agony as it fell to the ground. It lay there, lifeless.

"Ed!" yelled Double D, "Are you alright?"

"Dungeon crawling makes my pits sweat Double D." said Ed.

"Yep, he's alright." Said Double D.

"You did it. You've killed it." Arvel spoke. "Now cut me down before anything else shows up."

"First things first," said Eddy. "Give us that Golden Claw you stole from the trader last night. _Then _we'll cut you down."

Arvel glared down at Eddy.

"Does it look like I can move?" he sneered, "You'll have to cut me down first."

"Well," continued Eddy, "I guess we have no deal then."

Eddy slowly walked away, having an idea in mind.

"Wait," Arvel began to panic, "Where are you…get me down from this!"

"Eddy," Whispered Double D. "What are you-"

"Alright!" Arvel shouted, "Alright! Cut me down and I'll do you one better. I'll share the _treasure _with you!"

Now that's something that caught his attention. The greedy smile practically went past his ears as his eyes gleamed harder.

"Treasure!?" he said, facing Arvel again.

"Yes," Arvel continued, "Help me down, and I'll show you. You won't believe what the Nords have hidden down there."

"Eddy!" Double D protested, "We are on a mission to retrieve and return that relic. Surely even you wouldn't fall prey to such a-"

"DEAL!" said Eddy.

"Why do I bother?" Double D complained.

Eddy then snapped his fingers. "Oh Ed, help him out."

Ed raised his iron sword.

"Snicker-snap!" he said as he cut the silk.

Arvel landed on the stone floor of the dungeon, free of his bounds.

"Sweet breath of Arkay, thank you." He said in relief.

"Now then," Eddy said, "about that treasure…"

Arvel smiled in a sinister fashion.

"Thank you for the help boys," he said as he got back on his feet, "but why should I share the treasure with a fool like you? Why should I share it with anyone?!"

He then ran quicker than an arrow. He laughed as he went off.

"HEY!" Eddy shouted. "Get back here!"

"Boy, Aardvarks are quick Eddy." Said Ed.

"Why that two timing, back-stabbing Skeever!" Eddy yelled as he ran off after him.

"I warned you Eddy!" Double D said, running after him.

"Beep beep!" Ed said, following in suite.

The three chased after the Dunmer through the hallways of the cavern, barely catching up to him. Every spell they cast, every arrow they shot, nothing was quick enough to stop him.

"Give it up children," Arvel said, "I am the fastest pair of feet in all of Skyrim!"

"Wait until I get my hands on you!" Eddy said, "We'll catch up to you soon you little weasel!"

"Speak for yourself Eddy." Whined Double D, who was beginning to lag behind.

He managed to evade them in the next corridor. Their stamina finally drained as they stopped to rest.

"Wait…until…" Eddy said, gasping for breath, "…I…catch…"

Finally Double D caught back up.

"Need…O 2…." The young Breton said.

Ed dropped to the floor completely. Clearly they were no match for a Dark Elf with implausible speed.

"What is his secret?" Eddy complained.

"I hope you're proud of yourself Eddy!" said Double D, "Your avarice has once again bitten us all in the posterior and sent us down an undesired trail of misery."

"The guy promised treasure Double D." Eddy retorted, "How could I resist?"

"A little self-control can help you do anything." Double D said.

Suddenly, the three of them heard a scream coming from up ahead. They walked into two corridors that lead to a new room. This room smelled of embalming and decay. Large crevices dotted the walls, each containing an ancient body.

Eddy didn't notice these bodies, but something else did. He grabbed Double D and Ed's heads and shoved them into position, showing them what he found.

At a corner of the room lay Arvel's body, covered with holes in his flesh.

"Good Akatosh!" Double D said, backing away.

Eddy ran up to the corpse, rummaging through Arvel's inventory.

As he searched, Ed just stood there scratching his head against a wall. He was completely unaware of what was stirring in the crevice behind him.

"What a strange way to expire…" Double D said to himself. He turned around, trying to avoid eye contact with the body. He looked around the room in hopes the architecture would calm his nerves. As he looked, he realized the pattern: the bodies in the wall were the tell-tale signs of a tomb.

And if this tomb had treasure in it as well…

"Eddy," Double D whispered, "We should get out of here! The fates-"

"Working on it hood-head!" Eddy complained, "How can this guy have so many pockets?"

"This is urgent Eddy!" Double D retorted, "I believe we've stumbled upon an old-ED! BEHIND YOU!"

This caught the Altmer's attention. He turned his head and saw the corpse ready to strike him with its bare hand. Ed reacted quickly and removed its hand with the swing of his blade. The undead monster then released an unearthly wail that echoed through the Barrow's walls.

This wail was a signal, one the others heard. The other corpses began to stir, climbing out of the walls armed with swords and axes.

"DRAUGR!" Ed and Double D shouted simultaneously.

"Got it!" yelled Eddy, holding up a beautifully crafted claw ornament. "This will get us to the top boys! Sweets! Penthouses! Friends! All we have to…"

He then looked around to see the Draugr crawling out of their tombs. He then joined his friends in panic.

"Aar Vin Ok!" one of the Draugr shouted as they advanced.

Double D started up his fire spell as the rest armed themselves.

"You will not have our brains," Ed shouted as he swung his sword, "scourge from Sovrngarde!"

"That," Double D said, blasting a Draugr's head with flames, "Is a popular misconception Ed. Draugr don't typically eat brains, they usually prefer to tear their victim's limb from limb, then eat the soft muscle tissue. I read about it in a nice little book called _Amongst the Draugr _by Bernadette Bandian."

"Is that supposed to comfort us?" Eddy said, firing off arrows at the advancing corpses.

All the attempts they tried did nothing to stop the fact that even more Draugr were emerging. Soon they were overwhelmed.

"We are surrounded!" shouted Ed.

"I'm too young." Eddy cried, hitting three undead with his arrows.

"Don't give up so easily," Double D said, pointing towards an exit way. "We can make a tactical retreat."

"Isn't that the same as giving up?" Asked Eddy.

Slashing and firing, the three adventurers slowly made their way to the exit. A Draugr behind them was crawling out of his tomb, unaware of the tile he was about to step on. The tile activated a trap; a swinging metal door covered in spikes that impaled the unfortunate Draugr. This was the trap that did Arvel in earlier.

"Do something Double D!" Ed said as he continued slicing three Draugr heads clean off.

Double D retreated into the realm of thought and imagination. He carefully examined the doorway and the button that connected to the door. Then a thought came to his head.

"Ed!" Double D said, "Throw your sword at that exact spot!"

"But Ed just named the sword Double D!" cried Ed, blocking an attack with his blade.

"You can get it back," said Double D, interrupted by an attacking Draugr. He used sparks against it and continued. "Just trust me Ed."

Ed nodded. He looked at the spot Double D pointed to, a part of the grating in the trap door. He threw his blade at the door, nailing in into place.

"GO!" Double D shouted.

Double D then let out a last jet of flames to buy them a second of time. They took advantage of the situation and ran for the exit. Thanks to Double D's idea, the sword prevented the door from swinging. Ed then grabbed his sword once his friends passed through, pulling it out of the wall and allowed the trap to swing right into the crowd of Draugr.

"Did it work?" Eddy asked as they continued to run.

As they took a quick look behind them, they saw that a large portion of the Draugr had been taken care of. But one of the undead guardians had the idea to hold the spiked door in place, allowing its comrades to pass through unharmed.

"OH COME ON!" Eddy shouted.

As they entered the next room, they could hardly keep their footing. As they looked down, they noticed the floor had been covered in lamp oil, causing their feet to slip. As they looked above, they noticed the hanging lamps from which the oil leaked from. They emitted just enough light to show that this was another tomb, filled with crannies that possibly contained more undead warriors.

They could hear the Draugr catching up to them from behind as the bodies in the room began to stir.

"Right into the fire." Double D sighed.

"Belly flop!" Ed yelled, grabbing hold of his friends.

He then flopped onto the floor, taking Eddy and Double D with him, sliding down the hallway on his belly thanks to the oil on the floor. As they slid, the arms of the awakening Draugr in the walls swung around, trying to attack the Eds as they slid by. Fortunately, the trio slid too fast for them, allowing them to avoid the swings of swords and axes as they went by.

They slid right out of the room, onto a small bridge, and finally ceased when they hit a stone wall.

"Nice going lumpy," Eddy complained, rubbing his sore head, "We're at a dead end!"

Eddy was right this time, as the two groups of Draugr were advancing their way towards the bridge. As they looked, Double D noticed something; thanks to Ed, there was now a trail of lamp oil that covered the bridge to the other room. He examined his own robe and saw an oil glob on his sleeve.

"Eddy, An arrow!" Double D said, holding his hand out to him.

Eddy didn't have time to argue with him, so he handed Double D one of his arrows. Double D then ripped a part of his sleeve off to tie around the arrow's tip. Once he had the cloth on tight, he used his Fire Spell to light the cloth, turning the arrow into a flaming one.

"Fire this at the oil trail!" Double D said as he handed the arrow back to Eddy.

Eddy placed the arrow into position and took aim. He fired the arrow down to the floor, catching the oil aflame. Like a swift serpent, a wave of fire followed the trail and caught the Draugr in a fiery death trap.

"We're home free now boys!" Eddy said in excitement.

As if to make matters worse, the sparks from the flames caught the leaky lamps and set off small explosions that caused the hallway to cave in. The flames then reached the bridge, burning it to ash in a matter of seconds, collapsing into the deep chasm below.

"No Troll under there now, huh guys?" said Ed.

"Oh dear." Said Double D, "I guess I misjudged the flammability of ancient Nordic lamp oil."

Eddy fell to his knees. Even if they had the strength to move all those stones they couldn't avoid the giant chasm below. It hit him hard.

"We're all going to die in here." he said. He angrily turned around and faced the other two.

"And do you know whose fault it all this is?" he said with rage, making his friends nervous.

"MINE!" he said with tearful eyes. "It's all _my_ fault. All of this! If it wasn't for me, we could have gotten the claw and scrammed out of here. But no, I had to have a horde of treasure and get us stuck here. Heck, I was the one who accepted the quest in the first place."

Eddy began to sob at his epiphany. Ed looked like he was about to cry too.

"Do not cry little Eddy!" said Ed, grabbing hold of Double D's face. "Look at the funny faces!"

As he said this, he stretched and squished Double D's face into humorous positions.

Eddy reached into his inventory and pulled out the claw. He gazed frustrated at it.

"What good is this thing now!?" he yelled.

Double D then took sudden hold of the small ornament.

"Hey!" Eddy responded.

Double D examined the wall behind them. There was an imprint on the wall with a similar shape to the golden treasure. He placed the claw inside the crevice, fitting perfectly.

"No wonder Arvel went to all the trouble to burglarize this bauble." He said, "This is no mere shelf holder gentlemen, this claw is a key."

This put a smile back onto Ed and Eddy's faces. There was still hope yet.

There were three stone rings in the door, each bearing an animal symbol. Like an expert safe cracker, Double D listened while he turned the rings. After a half minute, the door gave a great chunk sound and opened for the three adventurers.

"Ed is happy once more!" Ed called out, squeezing his friends in a great bear hug. Fortunately for them, the lamp oil on his belly allowed them to slip away onto the stone floor.

Eager to get out of this dungeon, the three advanced their way forward. After one final hallway, they found an unusual room.

Inside this new cave was a stairway leading to a great wall. As they climbed, it seemed to resemble a giant alter with a large coffin placed on it.

"This is it boys," Eddy said with excitement, "this is it! The treasure Arvel was talking about!"

Eddy rushed over to the coffin. Next to it were two large chests. As Eddy picked at the locks, Double D and Ed went over to the wall. Double D examined it closely.

"That's odd," Double D said, "I don't recognize this language. Some ancient offset of Nord speak perhaps?"

Ed came closer to the wall, as Eddy wouldn't want him around the treasure chest. As he walked closer, he heard a faint sound. The closer he came, the louder the sound. Suddenly, a patch of words began to glow. The sound was now clearly a chant of some kind. He inched slowly, his curiosity peaked ever more.

The closer he got, the louder the chanting and brighter the glow became. He then leaned down to see the glowing words.

Suddenly, like a hit from a carriage, sudden images and sounds filled his head. But above all, the loudest sound was a single word that echoed through his mind:

Fus.

"AAAAAAAAAAGH!" Ed shouted, his hands covering his head. He then began to bang his head on the stone floor repeatedly.

"MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"

"Ed!" Double D cried out, rushing to Ed's Aid. "What's ailing you?"

"What kind of joke is this?" Eddy said, interrupting both Ed and Double D's activities. "An old rusty sword, eight gold, a scroll and a filthy helmet? That's the treasure?"

"You know what they say Eddy," Double D said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure. Perhaps these serve as sentimental value instead of material."

"What a load!" Eddy said, "I'm giving up treasure hunts."

A sound of grating stone then began to echo across the room. The boys looked to the stone sarcophagus between the empty chests. The lid was slowly moving until it fell to the floor. A dark, bony hand then grabbed hold of the sides, followed by the rest of the Draugr's body. As it crawled out of its coffin, this Draugr revealed itself to be twice the size of any they saw earlier, and with far better armor. It pulled a large battle axe from the coffin and let loose a mighty roar like a savage beast.

"Boss battle!" Ed said nervously.

"What?" said Eddy rather smug, "You're afraid of that? It's just _one_ Draugr. We can take him no big-"

"FUS ROH DAH!" the Draugr Overlord shouted.

The shout emitted a great force, strong enough to launch Eddy straight into the wall, creating a small crater on the wall's surface.

"Nice splash Eddy!" Ed called out to him.

The Draugr Overlord rushed its way towards them. It sung its axe at them, missing Eddy as he rolled away. In the spot where the Axe hit, there was a small patch of ice forming.

"Careful friends," Double D said, "that axe has a frost enchantment! It has a high risk of freezing you solid!"

"I prefer mine warm Double D," said Ed, "with extra mustard."

"Could you not have brain damage for one second?" yelled Eddy, dodging another strike.

Double D Cast sparks, paralyzing it for a moment. Ed charged in from behind with his sword in hand.

"FUS ROH DAH!" the Overlord shouted again. Instead of sending Ed flying, the shout launched the sword right out of Ed's hands and right at the ceiling on the far end of the room. It stuck there thanks to the force of the shout.

"Lucy no!" Ed said, mourning the loss of his sword. The monstrous undead warrior raised his weapon to strike Ed. Eddy launched a pair of arrows at the Draugr, catching its attention.

"Hey deadbeat!" Eddy yelled, "Next time, have a better treasure, I could find this stuff in someone's trash."

"Aav Dillon!" the Draugr yelled.

It advanced its way towards Eddy again. Double D then slid in, trying to protect Eddy from certain doom. He cast Fire, covering the Draugr in flame. This just made it angrier as it walked their direction.

"Any more bright ideas, Mr. Mage?" Eddy said sarcastically.

"I only know two incantations Eddy!" Double D complained, "Unless you know some spells I'd suggest you help me formulate a plan!"

The Draugr was about to strike again when Ed tackled it to the ground.

"You will not harm them!" Ed yelled out, holding onto the Draugr's weapon.

The High Elf and Draugr struggled for control of the great axe. Double D shot another Sparks spell, distracting it and allowing Ed to pull the axe out of the monster's hand.

With the axe in hand, Ed slammed it into the Draugr's foot, freezing it to the floor. As it was stuck, Double D and Eddy bombarded their foe with arrows and electricity.

The Draugr just looked at its leg as if this was a mere inconvenience. It opened its mouth and let out another shout.

"FUS ROH DAH!"

The force was strong enough to shatter the ice it was trapped in. It grabbed hold of Ed and flung him at his teammates, knocking them over. As it marched at them again, Double D tried to muster more magic. Unfortunately, his Mana was drained dry. He didn't even have a potion left.

Eddy was the only one in a state to even attack, but even he was down to his last arrow.

"Bolog Aaz, Mal Lir!" The Overlord said, almost with a satisfied tone.

The Draugr opened its mouth, ready to blast them with a final shout.

"FUS…"

Eddy placed the last arrow into position.

"ROH…"

Eddy took aim.

"DIE!" Eddy shouted.

He shot the arrow straight into the Draugr's mouth. It went straight through the roof of the mouth and into the creature's brain. The monster toppled over and expired on the floor.

"Boss defeated!" yelled Ed.

"Thank Akatosh that's over," Said Double D. "I didn't think I'd be able to survive that encounter."

"So," Eddy said, "anyone else want to get out of here?"

"You read my mind Eddy." Double D answered.

"Oh, oh," Ed said excitedly, "read my mind Eddy! Read my mind!"

"Cows and sponges," Eddy said sarcastically, "Now let's find the exit."

Eddy and Double walked up the stairway next to the wall. Ed just stood there for a few seconds.

"How does he do that?" he said. "Eddy must be psychic."

With the Draugr's axe in hand, Ed followed his comrades up the stairs. The stairway lead to what looked like a dead end. Fortunately, Double D found a pull lever which opened the door for them. After traveling one final hallway, they saw the sweet glow of sunlight. They made their way out.

It was a solid hour's walk back down the mountain. They managed their way through Riverwood as the sun set on the town. Lucan, the Trader of Riverwood, was locking up his shop, closing for the day.

"Excuse me sir," Said Double D, "But I believe this belongs to you."

He Boys held out the claw in a theatrical fashion. Lucan turned to face them.

"Oh my," he said, "You actually went and done it! I can't believe it."

"Now," Eddy said, "About our payment…"

"Right," Lucan said, pulling out a decent sized bag of coin, "A deal's a deal. Here you are boys, you've earned it."

Lucan tossed the bag to Eddy, who fondled it with much joy. Ed handed the claw over to a very happy Lucan.

"Wait," said Eddy, looking inside the bag, "That's it? That's all the gold we get?"

"Believe me," Lucan said in a disappointed tone, "it was _supposed_ to be more. Damn Bosmer weaseled out on me. But the promise was the coin I got from this deal is yours, so it is."

"We thank you for your business," Said Double D, pushing Eddy to the side before he opened his mouth again, "hope to do more! Many blessings!"

Lucan walked off into the distance. Eddy then grew red.

"Oh no," Ed said, "Eddy is turning into a strawberry Double D!"

"After all that _this_ is our reward?!" Eddy yelled, "Well fine! We're OUT of the treasure hunt business boys. It's just not worth it!"

"Eddy made a smart Double D!" Ed called out, hugging Eddy very tightly.

"I suppose he did Ed." Said Double D.

Suddenly, Ed's stomach began to grumble, causing Eddy's body to vibrate along with it.

"I'm hungry." Ed remarked.

"Now that you bring it up Ed," replied Double D, "I am in a bit of need for nourishment myself."

"Yeah," said Eddy in defeat, "Let's find an inn, get some grub, and call it a day."

After a good two minutes of searching, the boys found their way to a cozy looking inn. The sign by the entrance gave the name: The Sleeping Giant Inn.

The warm fire inside crackled with warm ferocity. The bards played softly while villagers drank and made merry conversation with one another. Using the money they earned from their quest, they were able to rent a room and a large portion of mutton to eat. They took their seats and waited for their meal to arrive.

"Nothing beats this," Double D said, "A warm fire, delightful sonnets played by expert musicians inside well-crafted walls."

"You kidding me?" Eddy said, "We could do one better. After our little exterminator business takes off, we'll be able to live like this _every_ day!"

"Eddy is the man with the plan," Said Ed, "Again!"

"Think about it," Eddy said, his arm around Ed, "With our talents, we could rid any town from Skeevers, spiders, Draugr, heck! With our skills we could probably take down that Dragon we saw back in Helgen!"

"Funny," a familiar voice said from behind them, "last I remember, you ran from that beast like a faun from a hunter."

The three turned around to reveal the source of the voice. It was Hadvar, the one who helped them out of Helgen just a day before.

"Hadvar!" Ed yelled, grabbing hold of the unsuspecting Nord. "You're alive!"

"I…Didn't die Ed." He said rather confused. He looked down to see Ed's weapon.

"That Axe is ancient," he said, "Only Draugr wield those. You three must be tougher than I thought. The Empire could use men of that skill."

"We wouldn't delve too much into politics," said Double D, "not after Eddy's little incident in Valenwood."

"Hey!" Eddy said in retort, "It was a fair election."

"You tried to convince its people to vote you as their new ruler and overthrow their government!" Double D scolded.

"Ah, the good old days." Said Ed.

"Well then," Hadvar continued, "can you at least perform a small favor for yesterday's sake?"

"Anything for Hadvar," Ed said, "Hadvar friend to Ed!"

"I need you boys to go to the town of Whiterun." Hadvar said, "The Jarl there needs to know about the Dragon attack. The only ones who survived the attack appear to be us three, and I… I have other business that must be attended to. Could you go and deliver the news for me?"

"I don't hear any word of payment," Said Eddy, "You should grease our-"

"Eddy," Double D said, "he saved our skin and other collective organs the other day. We owe him this much."

"I don't work for nothing Double D." Eddy said coolly.

Just then, Ed grabbed hold of Eddy.

"HADVAR FRIEND TO ED!" Ed said angrily, "FAVOR FOR FRIEND EDDY!"

"Alright! Alright!" a terrified Eddy said, "A friendly favor! Of course!"

"Splendid," Hadvar said as he handed them a scroll, "here is the map, in case you can't find your way. May the divines grant you safe passage."

Hadvar joined with a group of Nords over by the bar. The mutton had finally arrived to their table.

"Think of the wonders we could find out there." Double D said merrily, "The chance to explore a new place such as Whiterun."

"Think of the pigeons we could scam," Said Eddy, "all that coin ready to be collected."

"I've got a rash on my buttocks." Said Ed.

The three ate with joy, excited for the next adventure they could have in the town of Whiterun.

_Meanwhile, in another part of Skyrim…_

The Dragon had landed softly on the ground, unseen by any mortal. It walked over to the large stone. Using its claw, the Dragon moved the moss and plant growth to reveal words, ancient words. This was what he was looking for. The beast stood up and began to chant.

"Alok Fahdon, Daal Grah-Zemahzin…"

The ground under the stone began to quake.

"Nu Lahney…Kopraar nahkip Do Dinok…"

Out from the ground, a skeletal claw emerged.

"Filok Dinok..Daal Thuri Dova Zeymah…"

The entire skeleton emerged, revealing a Dragon's skeleton. The skeleton began to re-grow its flesh.

"Alok-Dillon… Mirmulnir!"

The resurrected Dragon then opened its eyes. The two Dragons joined each other in a mighty roar, accompanied by a streak of lightning.

_A/N There ends quest two! Coming up next time: more of your favorite characters-and not so favorite-appear in the story. It's off to Whiterun!_

_Ps. anyone who wants to draw a cover for Eder scrolls, please info by Private message._


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